I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
