kristin has been a bad kristin
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
