I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
