I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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