On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
