I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
