I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
