I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
