...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
