She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
