Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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