Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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