you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
