I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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