I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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