so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
