i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
