I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
