Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
