I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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