How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
