So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
