No, drunk sperm still make babies.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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