dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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