I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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