Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
