I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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