Pappa wants mamma naked
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
