i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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