Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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