Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
