I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
