Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
