new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Panties = found
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
