I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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