i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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