living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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