What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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