it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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