if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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