your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
