Barsexuality is the new black.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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