Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
