Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
