I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
