Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
