I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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