This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dignity is for republicans.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
