We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
