my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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