i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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