You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
