So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
