When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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