You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
