One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
