I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
