I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
