i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
