Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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